Chicken Shit
Everyone feels fear, though not everyone is willing to admit it. Some people feel the effects of fear more intensely than others, while others may appear to feel no fear at all (they're probably just better at controlling or hiding it). Fear sucks, and we have the Amygdala and the Hypothalamus to thank for it.
The deepest fear, the fear that underlies all other fears, is the fear of death or non-existence. It's also the most pointless fear, since death is inevitable, but try telling that to an organism that's wired for survival. Not terribly helpful.
Speaking of survival, perhaps you’ve heard of the fight-or-flight response? Well, there is also a lesser-known third response that occurs in the face of fear: Freeze.
Some people fight, and some people flee...but many people just freeze and shut down. They become quite literally paralyzed by fear. I believe that every single one of us, at one point in time or another, has felt this sort of fear.
Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we are capable of experiencing, and it is handled by a part of the brain that by default can overwhelm us completely. Were we like most animals, we would have no choice but to give in to our natural response to fear. But we appear to be conscious and aware in a way other animals are not, and we can, sometimes, overrule our default fear response.
If your actions or inaction are dictated by fear, then you are a slave to that fear, and it becomes a part of your cage. Even worse, fear unchecked becomes a weakness that others can and will manipulate to keep you under control, sometimes on purpose, and sometimes without even thinking about it. The ones who do it without thought are the ones you really need to watch out for.
In the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki referred to what he calls Chicken Littles, people who constantly broadcast their fears to anyone who will listen. The odds are good that each of us has at least one Chicken Little in our lives, if not many. The very structure of society is fear-based.
I have another analogy, from my favorite movie:
“The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. Many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.” – Morpheus, The Matrix
It is so simple, so easy to become trapped by fear. It can and does happen to the best of us. But when you're fighting mightily to escape from your cage, the last thing in the world you can allow is for those who are dependent on the system to fight to keep you locked in with them. Misery, after all, loves company, and we should be far more discerning in the company we keep.
In all fairness, the people fighting to keep us trapped are usually well meaning (though not always), and are often people whose opinions we trust. They’re simply afraid, both for you and for themselves. Escaping the fears of others, even well-meaning others, is complicated to say the least.
One of the most important lessons you can learn in life is to ignore detractors, and to learn to trust yourself. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t listen to anything anyone else has to say, but you need to take advice from others with a grain of salt or ten, and to learn to think for yourself, to weigh differing options and points of view before taking action.
“Yes, thank you, that’s all quite simple...not.”
You want actionable? OK, here goes:
Each and every day, identify and find a way to face one fear.
Afraid of public speaking? Volunteer to speak. Afraid of snakes? Go to a pet store and hold a snake. Define your fears, and then face them one-by-one. The only way to conquer fear is to face it.
Explore your fears, hunt for them, define their edges, and then pull them into the light where you can examine them fully. As the book Dune so clearly states, "Fear is the mind-killer". Here's the full quote:
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
- Paul Atreides in Frank Herbert's Dune
What is it you really have to fear?
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
– Franklin D. Roosevelt